“Mental penetration isn’t about physical copulation, but a cerebral stimulation causing ejaculations of the mind…”-Sanjo Jendayi
Definition of Sapiosexual
A person who is sapiosexual is sexually attracted to highly intelligent people. In many cases, they believe that intellect is one of the most important qualities to have in a partner. That said, people who are sapiosexual can also have other turn-ons that might be more mainstream. The definition of sapiosexual has expanded over the years and also includes people who are emotionally turned on by intelligence. It is sometimes considered a sexual orientation, albeit a fringe, somewhat controversial one. Intelligence is the genuine turn-on for these people, not the status, job, or financial benefits that could accompany the intelligence of the person they are attracted to.
How To Tell If You Are Sapiosexual
People who are drawn to potential partners mainly by their intelligence can be sapiosexuals. In most cases, this attribute is more important to them than looks or personality. If you find yourself drawn to a person’s intellect most of all, you are likely sapiosexual. People enjoy sapiosexual relationships through conversations and activities that focus on intelligence. Intellectual conversations are a turn-on, and you may need to have a deep, meaningful discussion before sexual activity crosses your mind. Intellect for many sapiosexuals is even more important than the emotional “spark” that is usually considered the basis of many types of relationships.
Is Sapiosexuality A Sexual Orientation?
There has been controversy about whether sapiosexual is a sexual orientation. Sexual orientations and sexualities can be fluid, and the terminology that is used is extensive. Many people feel that sapiosexual people should not be included in the LGBT umbrella, though some sexuality experts advocate it as valid orientation. If you find yourself attracted by intelligence, to the extent of it being the highest priority in your dating life and in relationships, this may be the most accurate term to express your sexuality. Many people believe that gender is always another consideration for sapiosexual people, though for some intellect trumps gender. Ultimately, labels can be helpful for many people by allowing them to feel more comfortable, confident, and secure in their sexuality. If this term feels like the best descriptor, or a valid one for you, then you should use it.
“Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.”-Roger Miller
Squirting involves a female participant engaging in sexual intercourse, either with a partner, or with toys, until they squirt from their vagina. The fluid from the woman’s vagina is squirted during an orgasm, and can also involve secretions from the skene’s glands, which are sometimes referred to as the female prostate.
All About Squirting
Squirting is portrayed in a number of adult films, with women having sexual intercourse until they are squirting large amounts of vaginal fluid all over their partner, or partners. Penetration is commonly involved in any attempts to squirt, but some women may be able to achieve it through oral sex depending on their level of sensitivity. Squirting can be achieved with different levels of intensity depending on the woman’s level of control, and how apt their body is to squirt to begin with. Not all women can squirt, but many can learn to over time. Many squirters can achieve it through fisting, with the intensity of the penetration being what can stimulate the squirting.
What To Do
If you’re interested in squirting or being with someone that squirts, there are many online discussions about it, as well as articles that you can read to learn more. You could connect with others online that love to engage in the act of squirting, and may be willing to help you learn how to squirt as well. If you are someone that wants to be with women that squirt, there will be plenty of women for you to engage with that will enjoy sharing their ability to squirt with you. It is considered a form of sexual baptism in some circles to be able to make a woman squirt through orgasming, and may be a very fun way for you to approach this sexual activity. Remember that squirting isn’t possible for every woman, so it’s not something to be expected, but is something to be cherished when you’re able to participate in it.
“In all the world there is no love for you like mine.”-Maya Angelou
A squish is the aromantic and asexual version of a crush. It is a strong desire to have a close platonic relationship with someone. A squish is a platonic attraction rather than a sexual or romantic one.
Why Get Crushed?
A crush is called that for a reason. You have an attraction for someone, they do not reciprocate, and you feel crushed. A squish is more like a hug. What makes a squish great is it does not need to be reciprocal. A squish is the non-heartbreaking “just friends” approach to an aromantic or asexual relationship. When people have a squish they often want it to become a “zucchini”, which is a term used when a squish is reciprocated and has become a queerplatonic relationship partner. Usually the term zucchini is a synonym to “queerplatonic partner”, although its usage is a bit controversial. Some people find it cute and other people find it diminutive or needlessly confusing as a term, maybe even unnecessary.
My Squish is Married
The great thing about a squish is that it does not matter if the person is married, gay, straight, monogamous, polyamorous, asexual, aromantic, allosexual or alloromantic, because it is all about desiring a super close friendship. Some people may describe intense bromances as squishes or even an unacknowledged QPR.
“Making eye contact during rough sex is like trying to read Dostoyevsky on a rollercoaster.”-Jenna Jameson
In some strict BDSM relationships, the dom and the sub get fulfillment out of having a lot of rules and regulations to keep the bottom in their place. One way to do this is to implement eye contact and speech restrictions. This means that the sub would only be able to look the dom or other people in the eye at certain times or if given permission, and they may not be able to speak at all, or can only speak in certain situations. Perhaps they would not be allowed to use a certain word that people often say, which would result in frequent punishments.
If you think the idea of this is super hot, then you can start to implement it in lighter ways than having 24/7 restrictions. Have your sub kneel on the floor and tie their hands behind their back. Do all sorts of things to them, play with their nipples, use implements, etc, but don’t allow them to make eye contact. Tell them the only time they’re allowed to make eye contact with you is when they are coming. Give them a big long tease and punish them by making it even worse if they break your new rules. When they finally have that big O, they will feel grateful to look you in the eyes.
Why People Play This Way
This type of play might seem puzzling to those who are not involved in the BDSM lifestyle, or even to those who are new to it. But it really makes sense when you learn why people like it. It is all about power, and removing the privilege of making eye contact or talking really puts someone in their place and makes them feel submissive.
It’s never a good idea to give your sub any restrictions that would affect their everyday life negatively. Make sure you build terms into your eye contact and speech restriction agreements that will allow them to act normally at work, or when they are with people who don’t know what type of relationship you both share.
“What if I’m stuck here, forever?”-Kathryn Stockett
A confinement or stuck fetish is a fetish for people getting stuck in any kind of situation. Some people have specific fetishes like a glue fetish or a getting stuck in furniture fetish, but others just enjoy the idea of anyone trapped in place for any period of time. This fetish is definitely related to bondage, but it is a little different, because it refers to moments when the person is not only physically vulnerable, but also emotionally vulnerable because the fantasy situations are often a surprise or a chaotic moment.
It’s not the best idea to actually superglue someone to the floor, or to get them hopelessly stuck forever in a piece of furniture, however you can turn to fetish videos in order to get some inspiration. From there you can learn about different concoctions that make a person feel and appear stuck, but are easy to clean off or dissolve when the play is over. There are some safer options for beginning play, such as using small chairs that you know you’d be able to help your sub out of when it’s time for the roleplay to end. Other options are to have them get stuck in tight clothing that is hard to remove without the use of scissors if you like to watch someone struggle. Confinement play can involve locations or emotional restraints as well. The fetish is focused on the general concept of confinement and that can include anything from FinDom financial constraints to physical ropes and locked boxes.
Safety is always paramount in many fetishes, but especially in the stuck fetish there are many things you need to consider. If you’re in public enacting something, you will want to make sure that you will be able to help the person get out, so you don’t have to use public resources like police or ambulance services unless you really need to. As a sub, you should make sure to play with someone you know and trust, so you can be sure they will help you get out when it is the time!
“Real art is basic emotion. If a scene is handled with simplicity- and I don’t mean simple- it’ll be good.”-John Wayne
A scene refers to a pre-planned and agreed upon BDSM activity. It is called a scene because there is a beginning, middle, and end. During the scene the Dom and sub are playing their roles as a Dom and a sub. Often many of the overall plans of the scene are discussed beforehand so both Dom and sub know what to expect. Details may be discussed, especially in terms of what people may be asked to do and what their limits are. A scene may have people watching or it could be private. Alternatively, “the scene” may also refer to the BDSM community.
Planning a Scene
What makes a scene a scene is the pre-planning. But how do you go about doing that? How do you plan a scene? Everyone is different and has their own preferences but here are some things to keep in mind when planning:
What are your goals for the scene?
How do you want to feel?
What roles does each person want to take?
What activities do you want to participate in?
What are your limits?
What is the safe word?
Do we have a non-verbal safe sign?
How do you act if you are distressed?
Do you have any triggers?
What kind of aftercare do you like?
What is the best way to comfort you?
When was your last STD panel?
Do you have any health issues?
The more experienced you are with your partner, the less you will have to discuss. Communication is key no matter what, but you may be able to skip things like questions on health issues and safe words as those will be already known and established. It is always a good idea to discuss any changes from one scene to the next. For instance, if any person noticed a potential new sign for distress or a new trigger, it is important to let everyone know. Even established partners should revisit all the questions from time to time to make sure that they are on the same page.
“A man must learn to give a little space-Rush
A peaceful state, a submissive trait
A man must learn to gently dominate”
A sub-drop is the physical and emotional drop a submissive feels after an intense BDSM scene. It is called a drop because the sensation can literally feel like you were dropped. Physically it is the coming down from the endorphins released during the scene. Emotionally it is coming down from the emotional highs, or lows, and starting the emotional processing post BDSM scene.
When a Dom and a sub do a scene or any BDSM play together, it can be an intensely emotional experience. Often a sub will experience a variety of emotions that can swing from elation to deep sadness. Many people use BDSM scenes as a way to release emotion or work through emotional issues. After the scene is completed the sub can often experience a sub-drop where they are particularly emotionally vulnerable. The intensity of the individual emotions has passed but the sub-drop is the onset of the culmination of the emotional experience. This can be emotionally overwhelming.
Aftercare is one of the most important parts of a BDSM scene. This is the time when the Dom brings out their compassion and emotionally and physically takes care of the sub. Aftercare can be as simple as wrapping the person in a blanket and holding them, talking about the experience and what feels came out, tending to any physical needs if any wounds or bruising occurred, to going through a full detailed recount of what happened. Every sub will need different forms of aftercare and every scene will lead to different experiences which will require different kinds of after care. What you don’t want to happen is the sub to experience sub-drop alone and uncared for. This can lead to emotional trauma instead of emotional healing. Remember that a BDSM scene is ultimately about the connection between the Dom and the sub. The stronger the connection, the better the scene. Supporting the sub through the sub-drop is an extremely important part of the scene.
“Yes, I was infatuated with you: I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me.”-Sylvia Plath
Sensation play is comprised of activities that simply give physical sensations to your partner. This can be done by inhibiting other sensations or just by causing sensations through touch and sound. The idea is to allow your partner to really feel their body and what is happening to it. It can be pleasure inducing or pain inducing. It can involve withholding and confusing the senses, such as alternating between spanking and feather touch.
Sexuality of Sensation
In our modern world, many people complain about not getting enough out of their sexual experiences, about lackluster orgasms, low libido, or impotence. Sensation play is a sexual experience that is not just about sex. The entire point is to get you more connected to your body and really feel what is happening inside your own skin. Emotionally it is also a great tool for intimacy building, as one partner is focusing their energy on another partner entirely. The effects tend to be physically arousing, so even if the original intention was not to have sex it can often lead to sex, and really good sex for that matter, since the person who received the sensation play has become more connected to their body and more emotionally connected to their partner.
Typically there are no special safety precautions when it comes to most sensation play. If the play involves more pain stimulus then you need to be cautious of abrasions, scratches, swelling, and any other injuries. It is a good idea to keep a first aid kit around. For either the pleasure or pain side of sensation play it is a good idea to have a safe word. A safe word is a word that when said stops all activity immediately and without question. Remember that even pleasurable sensations can be physically or emotionally overwhelming, so a safe word is a good idea.
“I superman dat ho.”-Soulja Boy
Superman is a silly fratboy sex act that doesn’t really lead to any sexual gratification directly, but the degrading result is what many are seeking. Fucking a girl from behind, cumming all over her back, then using your jizz to make a blanket stick to her back so when she stands up she ends up looking like Superman with a cape hanging from her shoulders It’s the kind of thing freaks do in their college dorms or just once in their lives to say they have done it.
Keep in mind when you superman a girl you are guaranteeing she has to clean all her blankets and sheets afterward. So there is a time commitment involved. Try not to surprise her right before she is going away for the weekend… or you may end up having to pay up for her new bed linens when she gets back.
Immature BDSM Tendencies
Many sex acts like this one stem from immature BDSM tendencies. Often college coeds who are unable to articulate their desire to dominate someone sexually will engage in these kinds of behaviors, much the same way schoolyard teasing is often a precursor to being able to explain that you have erotic feelings toward someone later in life. If you boyfriend has given you the superman treatment, and you want to keep him around long term, explain that you understand his desire to own a partner sexually and make sure he is aware that you are willing to be used for his amusement. Often the offer to become a sexually muse will empower your partner, help them grow sexually and result in a much more rewarding BDSM relationship where silly games are eschewed in favor of real power exchange sexual practices!
“I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.”-Tyler Oakley
Sexting is what happens when you have a love or lust interest, and you want to let them know you are interested in having sex with them, but you don’t want to call them up on the phone and you don’t have the time to meet up in person. So, you decide to sext them! It is when you do sexy texting that will pique their interest and could lead to something sexual later on. There are lots of tools to help with sexting like emojis and advice articles online, but it is really pretty easy.
When sexting, start out like phone sex, maybe ask, “what are you wearing” or simply send one of the emoji that can stand in for hot body parts. Some hints are that the eggplant represents the cock, the peach can represent the ass, and there are many others that you can creatively use to represent other body parts. Sexting is a delicate game and it’s best to check out how your sexting partners respond to things before you go further, so don’t overwhelm them with too many hot texts before they have texted you back.
Nudes Are Forever!
A lot of times when people sext they send hot nude pics, but be aware that is a somewhat dangerous activity. Only send nudes to someone that you really trust and only if you think they are responsible enough to not leave their phone around someone who might want to snoop inside of it. Sexting pics are not a good idea to send if you have a relationship that requires discretion, like an affair or something like that. Remember – nudes are forever and you can’t take them back once you have sent them, so make sure that you really want to send it!