“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Aftercare is something that many deem necessary in the BDSM world. This is because both Doms and subs can experience what is known as either Domdrop or subdrop after a scene, no matter how intense, and a good amount of aftercare can be good for everyone involved. Aftercare simply means taking care of a person’s emotional and physical needs after playing, and though it is typically the Dom giving aftercare to the sub, it can go both ways.
How to Administer
The type of aftercare to give really depends on the scene in particular and what the person needs. If it was a scene with a lot of impact play or corporal punishment, then the Dominant person might put a healing oil or salve on the sub’s marks and bruises. If it was a more psychological scene then simply cuddling and offering verbal reassurance could be of great help to both people involved in a scene. It’s a good idea to simply ask the person what they need, because otherwise it can become a bit hard to tell.
The Biology of it All
The reason why some people experience drops in energy and happiness after a BDSM scene is because during play, especially pain play, the body releases hormones known as endorphins. These hormones make the body and mind feel good – almost like the person is on a high, and after a scene the body lacks endorphins, causing the person to drop into a low energy state or even a mild depression. Aftercare helps to soften the biological blow of all the hormone depletion in the body, and makes for sweet and fun memories after challenging BDSM scenes.
It’s Not for All
Some people claim to not feel any difference in happiness or energy after playing in BDSM scenes, and that’s OK. These people often don’t want any after care and it would be wrong to make them get some if they don’t want it. Listen to what your play partner is telling you and you’ll be fine. Others might have unconventional forms of aftercare like eating a special treat or watching a TV show. The most important thing for the person giving aftercare is to listen to what the person receiving the care desires. If your sub wants you to throw her some loose change as she gathers her clothes off the floor and hurries out of your apartment in search of a Taxi, that’s perfectly appropriate. However, if she wants a hug and needs to be told you care about her after hours of gagging on your cock while she had a fist in her ass, be a gentleman and give her the hug she desires.